By: Steven Underwood
Maybe if they weren’t clocking Blacks at PWIS who only sin was wanting to afford a cup of ramen noodles every once in a while, instead of selling a kidney for a degree, Howard would’ve realized someone’s nephew was running off with their Housing Grant.
After, what? Four years? Four years of being finessed by someone’s boat shoe wearing Blavity black, the total sum of financial loss snatched by Mr. Hankerson amounts to about $500k. That’s 500 stacks. That’s maybe fifty times my current amount of debt I’ve amassed being “finessed by the white man.”
I’m shook. Not shook like Howard’s CFO by the IRS, but I’m shook like a Wakandan watching the Civil Rights Movement from the comfort of my rhino: saddened by the audacity, but otherwise unaffected.
I guess this just means I made the right decisions. You know? Maybe, I did sacrifice an “Authentic HBCU experience” for bein dicked by white men. But you know what didn’t happen to me? I wasn’t scammed by a mink coat, designer bag slinging undergrad in white rubber boots.
I wasn’t scammed by Curious George’s unscrupulous cousin.
I wasn’t scammed by someone named Tyrone Muthafuckin’ Hankerson.
Do I sound petty? Comment below with what you would’ve done with the $500k your pre-law/pre-med/home health aid major cousin took out a personal loan under your auntie’s name with? I’m sure it would’ve been half as nice as what Hankerson did with it.